As children, one does hear about those that are different, especially amongst boys, who will use hurtful epithets to single out kids who are most likely just shy and introverted, different in their own way, but not in that way. Girls are no less pointed about it, albeit less likely to attack someone over the perceived difference. Boys who dont like sports or roughhousing and girls who prefer sports and playing with boys to playing house or with dolls are considered to be wrong in some way. This goes back to gender roles, i.e. boys are physical and aggressive and girls are passive and nurturing, but more often than not these gender roles are confining rather than liberating.
We all have a wide range of attitudes on the spectrum of masculinefeminine and even that phrasing might be limiting for it conceives humans as being eitheror along a linear scale, rather than inclusive in a holistic way. Women can enjoy sports and the company of men and still be feminine just as men can delight in cooking and romantic comedies without being any less masculine. Societys opinions might be right in general and yet very often wrong at the individual level.
With the growing openness in society about homosexuality, the past two or three generations have grown up with celebrities coming out in different fields, from Martina Navratilova and Billie Jean King in the 1970s and 1980s to Neil Patrick Harris and Ricky Martin in the past year or so. Therefore the powerful taboo against homosexuality is somewhat lessened now, and for children in recent times, they have what children before them didnt have visibly successful homosexual role models.
But that doesnt mean that coming out about homosexuality, even in our day, is easy. There is still a heavy stigma attached to homosexuality and its presence as the ongoing debate concerning the marriage rights of gay people can attest, the opponents of homosexuality are a visible and vocal crowd. To know that ones sexuality can become the target of such attacks, and in many cases be a source of real pain to loved ones, is a heavy threat and burden.
In adolescence, a persons burgeoning sexuality can be both awesome and terrifying. The coin of adolescence--self-doubt--rears itself and often forces the person to question some of their feelings. In the confusion caused by hormones, peer and family expectations and simply self-discovery, a person might wonder if he or she is different, possibly confusing feelings of friendship and care for a friend of the same sex with sexual love for that person. Many get past those moments of doubt, if they have them, by focusing on other activities or thoughts until time and perspective show them the truth. Others get locked into obsessing about it and suffer for their doubts. And a few discover that yes, they are attracted more to their own sex. The world as they see it, and the role they may play in it, changes drastically from that point on.
Personally, there have been moments of fear about homosexuality in me, brief surges across the nerves concerning what might happen if a homosexual became strongly attracted to me. How will I react What do I say or do I believe the fear came from the unknown, from not understanding what that person feels in terms of their viewpoint about sexuality. I can confidently say these moments of concern have not led me to homophobia, but they have helped clarify the idea that they are like me in the sense that they have a reason for their feelings, as I do for mine.
As with most explorations, books are key guides. And fiction, more often than not, is the most insightful and accessible path to understanding people, attitudes and perspectives foreign to ones own. The Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (a one-time partner of Martina Navratilova) was possibly the first highly-successful popular novel based around the topic of homosexuality. In Browns novel, Molly Bolt distinguishes herself at an early age for being notably different. Her adventures as a child, dealing with sexuality in a childlike way, illustrate the fascination with and myths about sex that many children grow up with, almost as if peeking from behind their hands to see if the monsters really exist.
Molly has her first lesbian experience with Alice, the Renaissance princess. For Callie, the relationship is pretty much one-sided, with Alice accepting sexual overtures and some sexual pleasure, but remaining separate, disconnected from the experiences, as if they were happening in her sleep. The experience described by Brown with Molly is a metaphor for the loneliness and isolation a gay person experiences in their pursuit of a relationship, for not only is it hard for gay men and women to find a life partner (the odds are much reduced when compared to the heterosexual population), but they also have to deal more often with the reality that their partner may be embarrassed or afraid to reciprocate what the gay person feels sincerely, to openly admit Yes, Im gay. Given Browns own sexual preference, this metaphor is probably grounded strongly in personal experience.
The pattern that Molly and Alice share is that of We are lovers, but no one is to know. The common result when this cautious state of affair (so to speak) comes to light is exemplified by Polina, Alices mom, who encourages her daughter to be more like Callie, but completely shuts Alice away from Callie when informed of their lesbianism. The conclusion is made obvious Better to love in secret than in honesty.
Molly moves past the loss of Alice to continue her maturation in what can only be described as a bit of a romp, sharp with wit and attitude. In Molly one see a woman not defined by her sexuality, but by her intelligence and values. Unconventional, a risk-taker and admirable without being perfect, Brown makes Molly an example of a person, not a stereotype. I understood Molly, and in that understanding I learned more about what I think is worthy in another person. Molly is not a lesbian character, but very much a character amongst whose aspects include being a lesbian. Theres a big difference there, for it reaches deep into the truth that we are all different and many times the differences are difficult to define because they are very difficult to see.
By contrast, the protagonist of Jeffrey Eugenides Middlesex is physically different, albeit in a hidden way. Because of the brother-sister marriage of her grandparents, Callie Stephanides has a genetic mutation that makes her a hermaphrodite, one who has both sets of genitalia. Raised as a girl because the duality was not uncovered in childhood, Callie fails to develop normally and so she is taken by her parents to a specialist in sexual disorders, who is thrilled at finding another hermaphrodite to study. Callie wants no part of it and runs away, living on the road until she emerges as Cal, a young man.
But that transition was not smooth. After a few rejections, Callie falls into the hands of a promoter of odd sexuality, who sees in the hermaphroditic nature of Callie a way to make money. In that ambiance, Callie dabbles in drugs, friendship and ennui, until she makes her escape and starts leading her life as a young man, eventually reuniting with his parents and beginning a life abroad.
Cals transition to becoming a man is shown to be based primarily on sexual desire, for we see that Cal increasingly finds women more desirable than men, though he seldom deepens his relationships with them, fearful of being rejected for his physical difference. In terms of exploring the dual nature of his body, this focus on sex almost exclusively means that his exploration of the differences in gender are not really profound. Most of the novel deals with the past rather than with CallieCal, exploring the events that lead to his burdened with guilt, thinking that his physical difference is somehow a punishment for what his grandparents did. In effect, it was a roll of the dice, one with a higher probability of coming up as it did, but chance nonetheless. It might have been more interesting to see CallieCal explore the nature of gender differences by having Callie live her life as a young woman, away from the sexual freak show aspect portrayed and discover in her own way that being a man suited her best, not mainly because of sexuality, but because it fulfilled him in a way being a woman didnt. Equally interesting would have been Callie becoming Cal and then, after living as a young man, deciding to return to being a woman because it fulfills her best. To be able to explore the unknown aspects of the other gender, as CallieCal could have, is an adventure in self-discovery worth reading.
In The Women of Brewster Place, by Gloria Naylor, the stories of a group of black women are entwined because of their living in the tenement apartments at Brewster Place. The stories are largely tragic unwanted pregnancies, beatings, failures with men, rape and death are jammed together. But underlying all the stories are a sense of disappointment and betrayal, by parents, by lovers and husbands and by society. The range of backgrounds of the women go from rural and urban poverty to middle-class, with each woman rejecting what was in favor of pursuing something more. That they have all ended up in Brewster Place is a sign that they have largely failed at finding that better place they sought.
Two of the women, Lorraine and Teresa, are lovers that portray the imbalance gay couples often have (as noted with Molly and Alice) Teresa doesnt care what the neighbors think of her sexuality, but Lorraine cares all too much. The tension leads to an argument that has Lorraine leave the apartment at night and be gang-raped. If this is a metaphor, the meaning seems to be to either accept yourself or suffer deepening pain or even agony.
The women of Brewster place a large value on being with their man, on finding the right one and hanging on to him. The track record shows that the men they chose were not worthy. One of the women, Cora Lee, loves babies and prefers shadows, men who come and go, so she can keep having babies. Oddly enough, she doesnt like them as much when they are children, so her search for more beings to love seems doomed to eventually fail forever.
In Brewster Place, sex is a common theme in these womens lives, dominating much of their lifes decisions. However, more important factors are their gender, for it appears to seriously restrict their options for progress, and race, for it marginalizes them to a point near dependency. This reality is hard to accept, in fiction and fact, and where the women of Brewster Place are battered by it has echoes in many of our towns and cities.
What these women are seeking is comfort, caring and companionship, whether in men, babies or another woman. That they can find it only in an old man and between themselves seems to indicate that sex is an impediment to true intimacy, or that true intimacy can only come from a relationship between equals, something not seen in the novel. It would appear that only Teresa and Lorraine came close to achieving that elusive intimacy, except for their varying stances on expressing sexuality. If they, with the difficulties gay people have in finding a suitable partner, came closest, it throws sharp relief on the poor nature and potential of the other relationships in the book.
Unlike Rubyfruit and Middlesex, my ideas of gender and sexuality did not change or were challenged by Brewster Place. Of the nine principal characters in the three books, five were heterosexual women (all in Brewster), and of the other four, three suffered feelings of insecurity about their homosexuality. Of those, the only one who didnt fully accept herself or himself was raped, though one could claim that Callies treatment in her teens was a form of rape (exploitation.)
Fiction can open eyes and minds, even hearts, to realities thus far unseen. I delighted in Mollys sardonic joie de vivre and wondered at how Cals nomadic life as an adult man would lead to his finding a secure relationship. From Teresa and Lorraine I could peer into the sharp emptiness of not being fully accepted, but was left wanting for Lorraine to face herself as Molly and Callie did. Naylor chose to show the uglier side of life there, which is no less true than what Brown or Eugenides portrayed.
Over time, homosexuality has become a more acceptable way of life and its presence in mine may have increased as a result of that acceptance. If somehow this leads to more people finding a degree of personal happiness and freedom from fear that was formerly denied to them, then I applaud that. If in turn it becomes a more violent and brutal path to attacking and harming individuals for their personal sexual preference, then the sooner society quells that rising tide of anger and fear, the better. In my case, I can approach the whole topic of homosexuality with less trepidation than in my formative years, secure in the knowledge that there are gay couples who struggle for acceptance of each other in a way I can identify with, that their might be people hiding a physical difference that means very little in terms of who they can really be and that somewhere out there is a woman or a man who will remind me of Molly. And I will smile and laugh often as we talk about whatever comes to mind.
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